The Telly Nelly Blog

The Telly Nelly's LGBT TV Picks for Thursday, November 30

Oh the weather outside *is* quite frightful darlings, believe you me. I nearly froze the Nelly family jewels on a hellacious journey for some pharmacy quality milk. Such torment. I think my thighs might be chapped!

And sorry about the formating today - it's a bloody mess!

I've tried to fix it, really I have.

What's on The Telly Tonight?

"Martha Stewart Show"

Syndicated- check your local listings

Nathan Lane is one of Martha's dear guests today. I'm not a huge fan of the Lane, but then again I've never seen him live on Broadway - just fake on horrid TV shows. If you're a fan of Mr. Lane, do feel free to watch him whip out his beef and chat about his latest Broadway show, Butley. (And by beef I'm talking about his delicious recipe for Beef Tenderloin sillies.)

"All My Children"

12:00 p.m. ET - ABC

OMG! Bianca (Eden Riegel) kisses flamboyant rock star Zarf, who will come to realize he is transgendered. Now there's a plot that makes "Days of Our Lives" Swamp Girl look tame! Since Bianca came out of the closet a while ago it's not really news for her, but wow...Zarf, dude. Who knew? Supposedly Zarf (played by Jeffrey Carlson) will be with the show through his operation, though who knows how long *that* will take on a soap? Could be weeks, months or mere minutes! But regardless...welcome home Zarf (Zarfmina?), welcome home...

"Ugly Betty"

8:00 p.m. ET — ABC

Tonight we get plenty of gay as Marc (Michael Urie) takes center stage tonight. Unfortunately for him, it's because he's frantically trying to win over Wilhelmina in fear of being killed by her. (Yipes!) Meanwhile Amanda vies for Betty's position as Daniel's new assistant by planning and executing a perfect Mode holiday party resplendent with fake snow and holiday wishes for all. Betty could care less about any of this - she's trying to decide which man to get; Walter or Henry! Hopefully we'll get some holiday cheer from Betty's rather fey nephew. A hoot *and* a holla!

"My Name is Earl"

8:00 p.m. ET - NBC

Earl and his gay friend Kenny (Gregg Binkley) both develop a gambling problem when Earl tries to teach him how to act more "manly." Meanwhile back at the ranch, Joy goes into group therapy for anger management before her upcoming trial. Jonathan Slavin plays Doug, the assistant to Joy's lawyer, Ruby, played by Marlee Matlin. I love Marlee Matlin!

"Survivor: Cook Islands"

8:00 p.m. ET - CBS

Yup. Gay Brad's still in the jury so we'll see him every darn episode up until the overly dramatic end. Yeee-haw. I'm just glad the tribes have merged and that Adam and Nate are in the minority. Those bitches were just too frikkin' in love with themselves!

“Grey’s Anatomy”

9:00 p.m. ET — ABC

T.R. Knight fans won’t get too much tonight, though there’s sure to be some sizzling man-candy moments when Mark (Patrick Dempsey) and Derek (Eric Dane) must work together after two close-knit (read: veeeery close-knit *wink* *wink*) brothers visit the hospital for some “us” time.

“ER”

10:00 p.m. ET — NBC

Dr. Pratt (Mekhi Phifer) has a tough time coming to terms with his brother's newly discovered sexual orientation and gets addicted to those blue raspberry Popsicles they give to recovering tonsillectomy patients. Yum!

"Real World/Road Rules Challenge: The Duel"

10:00 p.m. ET - MTV

I believe we saw some speedo clips from last week so it should be a rather juicy competition as the guys go into their fifth male elimination night on "The Duel" platform. Aneesa is still hangin' in there for the girls - she might not be great at individual challenges, but she's a mule when it comes to the wrestlin' stuff. So tonight I worry for Brad - Aneesa's safe until next week! (Be strong Brad, be strong!)

What NOT To Watch?

"Men in Trees" - New Date/Time
10:00 p.m. ET - ABC
If you don't watch tonight, perhaps we can finally KILL THE BEAST! They've moved the show to a new night and time, so it's possible Anne's demented, drug-crazed fan base will be overwhelmed by confusion and forget to watch. Lets hope everyone's watching ER.

Thoughts on "America's Next Top Model"

I actually didn't feel like watching the models last night, figuring the Tivo could pick up the slack and I could get to sleep early or watch something less penetrating, like the Food Network gingerbread thing but oh no, I was overruled. I know - I was shocked I didn't feel like watching, but I was bloated and cold and just didn't have a good feeling about the whole matter.

But oh no...a certain *someone* just *had* to watch!

So "America's Next Top Model" it was.

Lunch with Ms. J Alexander - tell me the models weren't scared silly! What'd he order to eat? Anything whatsoever? (Rum punch?)

I *knew* Amanda would be going home next, I could just sense it. With everyone back in love with bland Eugena and Melrose kicking ass and CariDee just looking good and being fun-ish, there was just no place for Amanda. (And gosh...not bikini appropriate!) So last night - no surprises, none at all, when Amanda went home. With the exception of CariDee's hypothermia; I wouldn't have thought CariDee would be done in by cold...I figured it'd be Amanda fer sure! But no, Amanda got the boot and Melrose, Eugena and CariDee move on to final three - season finale Next Week!

Okay, enough of this chatter on could haves, would haves and should haves...time to get to tonight's TV - be back in a flasharoonie!

The Telly Nelly's LGBT TV Picks for Wednesday, November 29

Though sadly, she's rather demented and will never see this birthday missive, let it not be said The Telly Nelly  is without a heart...or a love for his kin.

Happy Birthday Grammie!

That being said...she really is the most extraordinary woman, when she's not rifling through neighbor's closets in the middle of the night or escaping from the home. (She would have been a welcome addition on "Hogan's Heroes" or "Heroes" I'm sure!)

But enough of festive Grammie...

What's on The Telly Tonight?

"Live with Regis and Kelly"

Syndicated - check your local listings

By the time I finish this damn blog you might have already missed it, but today Carson Kressley ("Queer Eye") drops by to do his thing. Will he or won't he bring up Clay Aiken????!!!

"America's Next Top Model"

8:00 p.m. ET - CW

Since Michelle gave herself the boot last week, I don't care who wins! No, seriously...I don't. That Michelle...oooooo...she pissed me off with that whole wishy-washy do-I-want-to-be-amazing-or-not attitude. Gross. She needed to go, just for being sooo damn stupid. Her sister, I predict, is next - especially as the girls will need all the fat they can get to stay warm during an icy water challenge brought on by Tyra and I think thinny-skinny Michelle might get the cold shoulder during the eviction ceremony. But before the cold, hard snap of reality, the girls go dancing - Flamenco dancing, where one girl breaks down in tears after being criticized. This happens every show! I'd be freaked out if someone *didn't* end up in tears over the most silly of circumstances. So after the dancing drama, the girls get the 411 on the whole water shoot, where they're paired up with unlikely partners and tasked with floating in icy water. So cold, in fact, one girl bows out early due to an onset of hypothermia. (If it's Amanda, it's for real - that girl has *no* fat!)

"Christmas in Rockefeller Center"

8:00 p.m. ET - NBC

Downside: Al Roker and Ann Curry. Upside: scheduled performers are Bette Milder, Sarah Mclachlan, Christina Aguilera, Sting, Lionel Richie, Enya, John Legend, Martina McBride and Taylor Hicks. Yeah, Lionel Richie...that guy knows how to put on a show! (And it's like the one holiday show *without* Barry Manilow so it's a must not miss.)

"Corkscrewed" - Series Premiere

8:30 p.m. ET - FOX

Seriously, this one came at me from nowhere. Nigel Lithgow ("So You Think You Can Dance") and "American Idol" partner  Ken Warwick try their hand at running a vineyard in Paso Robles, California. Nigel's an entertaining chap, for sure - but does he have enough steam for his own reality show on FOX, especially when we're talking fine Chablis, not Boone's Farm? Yeah...I just don't think this one'll bear fruit.

"Food Network Challenge: Gingerbread"

9:00 p.m. ET - Fo0d Network

These one-shot food competitions are highly addictive - I could watch them all day. Tonight the focus is on making beautifully, edible gingerbread creations. Tonight five amateur pastry chefs who have all won national gingerbread championships have eight hours to create a gingerbread showpiece that best portrays their favorite childhood holiday memory. Will it be Jim Rhegness' interpretation of a New York City parade, Christina Banner's ode to Christmas music, Nancy Kyzer's rendition of Santa's magical midnight ride delivering toys, Bobbie Jinright's homage to her grandmother's Christmastime sweets or Valarie Enters' representation of a holiday vacation? This is good, family fun here people - and you never know, one or two of the chefs could be "family" too!

"Top Chef"

10:00 p.m. ET - Bravo

So there are no gay chefs left in the village - but tonight you can watch a repeat of when there were gays...sorry dears - no newness until next week!

"Real World: Denver"

10:00 p.m. ET - MTV

Davis, the gay house mate, will talk about being gay. Alex, who is not gay, tells Colie, who is also not gay, he wants to date her after she brings home one of the local guys (who again is not gay). Did I mention Davis is gay?

"Noah's Arc" - Season Finale

10:00 p.m. & 10:30 p.m. ET - LOGO

Is this a new one? I think it's a new one but it's hard to tell...if it is new, however, it's gritty as I think Noah gets gay bashed tonight or something all homophobic and what not. Will he or won't he charge? (I guess there's an issue.) But every cloud has a silver lining...and you can eat all you want in heaven without getting fat. No sillies, he doesn't die. After all, how would he star in the next episode? There's also some beach going and some cat-walking - how do they fit so much into these 30 minute episodes?

The Telly Nelly's LGBT TV Picks for Tuesday, November 28

Joy to the World, for I have come!

What's on  The Telly Tonight?

"Charlie Brown Christmas"

8:00 p.m. ET - ABC

What, you have a coal heart? You'd have to if you passed this TV classic by tonight. I'm sure not totally convinced Linus is gay...he could be a Mormon, you never know. And Snoopy's just a wonder with those lights of his. Obviously a Mary. (As if Woodstock left a doubt!)

"Big Day" - Series Premiere

9:00 p.m. ET - ABC

Say hello to the “24” of the wedding industry; this new ABC show (which is an hour-by-hour look at a ‘happy’ couple’s big day) has *some* gay, for better or for worse. Not likely enough to get all huffed up about, in fact. Huffy? What's there to huff about? Oh...just a not-so-secretly gay groomsman who’s hot for the groom. (They met in college.) Helllooo yesterday's big gay movie plot! This new series stars Wendie Malick (Nina Van Horn from “Just Shoot Me”) as the wedding planner for the blessed event and features gay groomsman Freddie (Leslie Odom, Jr. from “Vanished” on FOX), who is love with Danny, the groom. But don’t get married to dear Freddie quite yet — he’s not a regular cast member and will become one of the queerly departed after tonight’s pilot. Alas poor Odom, he was gay.

"The Great American Christmas"

9:00 p.m. ET - USA

Ugh - Howie Mandel narration - as if that wasn't gay enough! (Not gay in a good way mind you.) In this holiday special, six families share their views on the meaning of Christmas, including gay couple Ted & Drew. Always one mindful of tradition, Ted brings Drew home to meet his Southern Baptist family for the first time. Merry Christmas! I'm sure everything works out in the end...

"House"

9:00 p.m. ET - FOX

How *dare* you take away someone's pills, Mr. Policeman. That's criminal! The hot cop could at least replace the craving with some sort of oral substitute...hmmmm. That's just naughty!!

"Help Me Help You"

9:30 p.m. ET - ABC

Nothing will wash the stench of "Big Day" off, will it? Well, a little Jane Lynch (as Raquel Janes) goes a long way, but there's no need to use sparingly. She's got plenty to go around, and I mean that in a very good way, not a fat way. (Like Camyrn Manheim might.)

"Boston Legal"

10:00 p.m. ET - ABC

Oh, how this show pains me. But it has gay, therefore much like that aforementioned Howie Mandel holiday frippery, I must report on the nooks and crannies of gay TV - 'tis my duty! Tonight on "BL,"  Alan and Jerry continue with the trial of the woman accused of killing her ex-girlfriend so obviously there's some woman-on-woman thing going on for the ladies. And since Delta Burke pops up as Bella Horowitz, I can't be totally silent. I do so love the Burke!

"Nip/Tuck"

10:00 p.m. ET - FX

Blah blah blah. Gimmick ahoy! Sanaa Lathan returns to her role as an organ-harvesting vamp - someone hide Liz Cruz (Roma Maffia)! Again, I'm not watching but hey - you just might care.

"Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List" Renews for 3rd Season

Oh my...Kathy gets another season, no surprise at all!

Here's the official word:

BRAVO STICKS WITH D-LISTER KATHY GRIFFIN, RENEWING HER EMMY-NOMINATED SERIES "KATHY GRIFFIN: MY LIFE ON THE D-LIST” FOR A THIRD SEASON

NEW YORK, NY - November 28, 2006 - There' s no place like the D-List for Kathy Griffin, and Bravo concurs with a third season renewal for the acclaimed Emmy-nominated unscripted series "Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List.” Six episodes of her no-holds barred, one-hour series are set to return in 2007 on Bravo, it was announced today by Frances Berwick, Executive Vice President, Programming and Production, Bravo.

"Kathy's unique style of comedy is brilliantly showcased with this series, and the new season will continue to show her D-List life in hilarious Technicolor, and her daily struggle to move up the celebrity food chain,” said Berwick.

Even with a third season renewal of her series, the talented comic Kathy Griffin still revels life on the D-List. But with an Emmy nod for her Bravo series, is she finally getting A-List props? Naaaah! Life still holds its indignities for the talented comic, and in the new season, viewers will relish in fantastic new D-List adventures. Her career is on a roll and the comic is in better form then ever, which only serves up more challenges for the dog-tired Kathy, who must show more fortitude than ever to stay at the top of her game.

Returning this season are some of Griffin's "peeps” including her assistant, Jessica, and her loveably wacky parents, John and Maggie Griffin. Look for a new motley crew of personalities to pop in on Kathy's hectic life in the new season.

www.bravotv.com

The Telly Nelly's LGBT TV Picks for Monday, November 27

Oh dear, I'm still stuffed. To the rim with TV goodness!

I'm still a little sad about poor Michelle from "ANTM" so couldn't resist posting this photo here. Alas! If you're readhing this Michelle, do let me know what you're up to!

What's on The Telly Tonight?

"The View"

Syndicated - check your local listings

So...will Rosie say something about Clay Aiken and Kelly Ripa? Oh golly, one hopes not. She's already had one Tom Selleck moment in her life...she doesn't need another!

"The Megan Mullally Show"

Syndicated - check your local listings

Supposedly viewers will be treated to the cast of "How I Met Your Mother" - one would think they'd need Barney (Neil Patrick Harris)! If he does show up, I wonder if Megan will get personal...

"How I Met Your Mother"

8:00 p.m. ET - CBS

Wow...how very gay! I'm no longer questioning NPH's coming out timing - with gay episodes in the making it was very wise of him to come out and give his show the ratings boost just in time to turn a witty cheek. On this very special episode, Wayne Brady guest stars as Barney's (Neil Patrick Harris) gay, black brother, James, who has a shocking revelation for his brother. Megan Mullally supplies the voice of Barney's mother (fabulous) - so if you did watch today's "The Megan Mullally Show" you've got the inside scoop.

"Pop-Up Video"

8:00 p.m. ET - VH1 Classic

A classic returns to the classic network. Classic!

"The Fabulous Life Of: Kept Men"

8:00 p.m. ET - VH1

Elton John's caged bird David Furnish is among one of the balls and chains featured in this look at "kept men" and the women and men who love to keep them!

"The Class"

8:30 p.m. ET - CBS

Ritchie, distraught from his recent love failures, runs into a convenience store while swatting a rogue bee in his car. Holly is on the scene first, hoping for an exclusive. The rest of the classmates, including Kyle (Sean Maguire) show up to try and get him out of the car. While I know many find this show to be lukewarm and rather clodding in the portrayals of semi-gay Perry (Sam Harris) and a few other quirks, but there's something in this show that makes me feel warm and fuzzy. It's not always a hit but I'd like to see them get a new writer to help this somewhat flip-flopping comedy to the "Frasier" level. I think it's worth the investment, no?

"Heroes"

9:00 p.m. ET - NBC

Yes Dani dear - Zach (Thomas Dekker) did *finally* come out as gay on the last episode - not that he's expected to play a more pivotal role other than last week's homecoming episode. But yes, he's gay and he's fine with being different. I've been waiting and blogging about waiting for his character to come out and finally it happened so now...I can feel justified in my "Heroes" coverage until he dies or whatever. Tonight - sadness in Texas and a revelation of just what the &$*# is up with Niki/Jessica. Really now, get to it! And what happened to Hiro? You'll find out tonight.

"Jacob & Joshua: Nemesis Rising"

10:00 p.m. ET - LOGO

Oh my gay goodness. When flighty twits Jacob & Joshua find out that legendary performer (legendary for being closeted, perhaps?) Barry Manilow, will produce one of their songs in a Las Vegas recording studio, they're less than thrilled about the song selection! Focus boys, eyes on the prize. Will a poopy attitude ruin their performance or do the boys not really give a hoot, demonstrated by a night on the town in Vegas, exploring the nooks and crannies of its gay nightlife? Hope they don't bump into each other - tres embarrassing!

The Telly Nelly's LGBT TV Picks for Monday, November 27

The Telly Nelly's LGBT TV Picks for Friday, November 24

Did you get stuffed?

I did.

What's on The Telly Tonight?

"Doctor Who"

8:00 p.m. ET - BBC America

Sign of the devil! Sign of the devil! While I must wonder if the Ood are in fact Mindflayer extras from the next "Dungeons and Dragons" movie, or just super gay uniminded creatures living in dreary outfits on the fringe of an interstellar black whole! Regardless, I'm rather enjoying the rather devilish angelic script and 666 number of the beast business this week. It's part two of the two part story arc that finds the Doctor and Rose stranded on a bizarre planetoid orbiting a black hole. Why, that Doctor; no matter what form he's in, I just find him so very engaging! (Yeah, I'm queer like that.) Speaking of queer, bring on the Ood!!! (And those festive little balls!)

"Battlestar Galactica"

9:00 p.m. ET - Sci Fi

Battlestar gets all boxy butch which leaves me a little apprehensive. I'm quite the nelly as the name implies and fisticuffs of the prolonged nature make me queasy. Can't we all just duke it out in battle-cribbage or something?

"Fashion House"

9:00 p.m. ET MYTV

I know, it's crazy! It's been forever since I've written about this telenovela-based show, which caught everyone's eye at first but then...we got left behind there were soo gosh darn many of them. I tried, I really did! But anyway, for those interested in picking up where the arc is, they have transient gay in the delightful bods of Tony Tripoli and Garrett Swann as Maria's gay designers, Harold and Hans. This is the recap show so you'll get all caught up to date on the shenanigans. The gays don't get nearly enough to do dears, and it's some what campy campy camp, but it's still nice to have some gay in plain sight. (Hopefully we'll see more of them both soon if they're working on other projects!)

"Queer As Folk"

10 - 11:00 p.m. ET - LOGO

You know, I just hate QAF; always have. But tonight it's a very special episode with Ted getting all drugged out and ending up in a coma. During this drug-induced crisis, Brian learns he's the executor of his friend's living will and finally, Ted's longtime crush on Michael is discovered. Juicy! It's just like a queer, horribly contrived "Days of Our Lives!" And I think I mean that in a nice way, don't I?

What NOT To Watch?

"America's Choir: The Story of the Mormon Tabernacle Choir"

9:oo p.m. ET - PBS (times may very in your region...it's not my fault!)

Because it's just creepy.

The Telly Nelly's LGBT TV Picks for Wednesday, November 22

What's on The Telly Tonight?

"So NoTORIous" - Mini-marathon

5:00 p.m. ET - LOGO

Get your Tori fix today - she's freakin' FABULOUS. Not Madonna fabulous, but a different kind of fabulous...

"Madonna: The Confessions Tour - Live from London"

8:00 p.m. ET - NBC

Even though we won't get to see Madonna crucify herself on stage (sigh) all her other amazing bits will be included in this MUST NOT MISS concert. I'm sure even you who've seen the show will be tuning in - how could you not? Madonna is a rock goddess and puts on a show LIKE NO OTHER. Watch and learn Christina, watch and learn...while Madonna is straight, she belongs to the gays which is why I've colored this show pink!

"America's Next Top Model"

8:00 p.m. ET - CW

I'll Tivo this puppy so I can watch the Madonna concert - SHOCKING, I know. But you know...I just love Madonna, I'm just not a fan of huge crowds so have never attended a concert - this is my big break! Supposedly tonight CariDee gives a photographer lip in tonight's bull-based photoshoot...girl, you'd better check yourself! You're my favorite model (along with Michelle who just isn't cutting the mustard) so you'd better not deep six yourself out of the competition by giving off 'tude. I blame Tyra, of course - she's a bad influence!!!! But from the clips they showed last week, it looks like CariDee will have some fierce photos to make the judge's choice rather difficult; I hope that she stays and...um...Eugena goes. (Though I doubt that's gonna happen. Most likely is that our lesbi-friend Michelle will be the one walking off the runway for good. Damn!)

"Top Chef"

10:00 p.m. ET - Bravo

Anthony Bourdain and canned goods. This is gonna be one UGLY Thanksgiving challenge! (And yes, I'm talking about Anthony Bourdain. He's just gross!) With Josie gone, Carlos is the only gay left in the village...I guess I'll have to root for him though I'm still not convinced he's got what it takes. I'm still holding a culinary grudge from his first Quickfire Challenge flop!

What NOT to Watch?

"Real World: Denver"

10:00 p.m. ET - MTV

If you're already planning on watching this show, there's no way in hell this is gonna stop you. I'm doing it for the undecideds! Do you *really* need to watch the antics of yet another blonde, white, newly-out frat boy gay (Davis)? I'm terribly, terribly tired of MTV's tired-and-true formula - putting new gays in houses with gay haters. Isn't this basically a repeat of the entire "Real World" franchise? Blah. Can you tell I'm not watching?

here! TV Moseys into North Texas

OH yes you Dallas queers - you can now get here! TV on Time Warner cable:

Time Warner Cable Launches here! in Greater Dallas Area

America’s Premium Gay Network Now Available in North Texas on a monthly Subscription Basis

NEW YORK – November 20, 2006 – here!, America’s premium gay television network, and Time Warner Cable announced today that here! will be available as a subscription video-on-demand (SVOD) service to Time Warner Cable customers in the greater Dallas area.

Time Warner Cable will offer a variety of here! original and acquired programming including hit movies, series, specials and documentaries for one a monthly subscription charge of $7.95. Digital cable customers can order here! by simply calling Time Warner Cable at 972-742-5892972-PICK TWC (972-742-5892) or by using their television remote by tuning to Channel XX and following the simple on-screen instructions.  For more information on ordering here!, consumers can also visit heretv.com <http://www.heretv.com/>  and entering their zip code to find precise ordering instructions.

“We are delighted to make here!’s premium LGBT programming available to the North Texas and Dallas-area digital cable customers,” said Maria Dwyer, here! Senior Vice President, Distribution Sales and Marketing. “Thanks to our valued partner, Time Warner Cable, North Texans can finally enjoy our critically acclaimed gay and lesbian programming instantly on demand, as often as they chose, for one affordable monthly price.” 

Recent and upcoming here! original films, series and specials include:  Dante’s Cove, ranked “Best Soap of the Year” by The Advocate; the critically acclaimed Shock to the System: A Donald Strachey Mystery, the second installment in the series of original films starring Chad Allen as a gay private investigator; John Waters Presents Movies That Will Corrupt You, the heralded film series hosted by legendary director John Waters from his hometown of Baltimore, MD; and the provocative six-part docu-series Lesbian Sex and Sexuality, an unblinking look inside the world of lesbian culture from award-winning producer Katherine Linton.